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For the past 7 weeks I have been participating in a “Dale Carnegie” class that my job has given me the opportunity to take. One thing for sure, this has been one of the most amazing opportunities ever!!! Tonight, in class, we must give a report on something that has inspired and impacted our lives. We must show strong emotions so that the audience also feels our passion. So, I’ve decided to discuss my time of unemployment, 1 year after graduating college. I have dicussed this story before in class, but this time I aim to discuss the emotional distress part of it all. I never thought being unemployed could change my life forever. I thought I would share it with you too!! 

Yes, the stressful part of looking and interviewing for employment was hard, but that wasn’t the worse part for me. The worse part was living alone away from family, no friends, being depressed because things weren’t going as planned, and loniliness. At this moment, everything else seems to become noticeable to me as well, such as my appearance, how I dressed, my hair, just to name a few. So I’m dealing with all of these things along with being unemployed. 

At this moment I was faced with two options: 1) I could allow the agony of my situation to swallow me whole or 2) I could go with the flow and accept that transition was happening in my life. Being that I’m a believer in Christ, and I know that He wouldn’t put more on me than I could bear, option number 2 just seemed better. Although, I know it wasn’t  going to be a comfortable journey. During this six month journey, I was forced to face me myself and I. I was forced to tap into a strength I didn’t know I had. Coming from a middle class family, things were pretty easy. I didn’t have to fight for much as my parents always made sure we had. So this whole ordeal was different for me. This was something that my parents couldn’t fix, or something they couldn’t pay for and it’ll go away. I was forced to fight with myself……..it was me and God, that’s it!! 

First, I struggled with loneliness.  I was a recent grad and the majority of my friends were still living the college life so they didn’t have time for me. My parents and siblings were back home, about two hours away. I didn’t have a boyfriend, and lastly I didn’t have a job. Therefore I spent the majority of my time at the library searching for work, or home watching tv waiting on someone to call for a job interview. 

Secondly, I dealt with myself confidence and self worth. I questioned whether something was wrong with me. I questioned my acceptance because it seems like no one was around or either people were to busy with their own lives to deal with my petty issues. My weight was an issue for me and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. 

Thirdly, I dealt with depression. Nothing seem to have been going right. Being unemployed weighed heavy on me. I beat myself up a lot and I just wanted to move back home but my parents said no. Not that they didn’t want me back at their house, but because they didn’t raise me to quit and give up so easily. 

So, one day, I had had enough. I broke down and I cried my eyes out. Asking God for understanding and wondering why things seems to have been failing apart. That was the day things changed for me. During this time of bereavement…..yes, that’s what I called it  because the old Sharay was dieing and  new Sharay was birthing. I looked myself in the mirror and I gave myself a pep talk. I said to self, this isn’t how the story ends.  

So as the days moved along I began to talk to God, and read aloud what He said about me and this life He had given me. I’m a huge fan of Joyce Meyer so I would watch her often on television. I knew she had books that were for women so I starting buying and reading her books such as “Battlefield of the Mind”, “Woman to Woman”, and my favorite, “The Confident Woman”. Reading and declaring the Word of a God over my life, praying and reading her books gave me life and reassurance. The pity party had slowly begin to come to an end. Instead of complaining about what I didn’t have, I chose to be thankful and grateful for what I did have. Although, I didn’t have a job, I was still blessed with a place to stay, a car, lights, food, and most of all life, health, and strength. 

God had forced me to see myself through His eyes. I was forced to love me; I was forced to have and build confidence based on the word of God said; I was forced to date me. So, since I was being forced, I embraced it. And when I use the Word force, I mean that God wasn’t going to allow me to see myself as anything less than what He knew He has created me to be.  Never in a million years would I have found myself going out to dinner alone, or catching a movie or just being satisfied in my own personal space. But guess what, God was building me so I had just that much confidence to do so. I found myself being happy in a situation that many wouldn’t have found to be so happy in. I found myself fulfilled because I knew that God was with me, and that He was working on a new me. I found myself enjoying my own company. I began to enjoy the quiet time alone just listening to music. When I found rest and comfort in God, instead of worrying about what I didn’t have, the here comes the interview, and the job offer all in one day. Look at God!!! 

My rebirth during this journey opened my eyes and heart to so many great things. It opened my heart to my DREAMS, to the love that Christ has for me, and to all the  other possibilities if I only continue to trust God for my life. He allows me to see the Overcomer that I am. He allowed me to see that I have strength beyond my physical abilities. 

So, this is to encourage any and everyone to “Build You”. You don’t have to wait until something tragic happens. It’s just that God knew what I needed and He used a time such as that to “build me”. I encourage you to look beyond what you have; look beyond the job you currently occupy. I encourage you to “build you” beyond the job and the material things. Learn to love yourself and find your happiness. As the scripture declares Job 13:15, though they slay me, yet will I trust Him. So, whatever you are lacking, emotionally or physically I encourage you to seek God for it. God has a way of forcing us to face ourselves. 

It has been 8 years since that time, and I’m still reminded of my rebirth. I’m still reminded of how gentle God was in changing my outlook and changing me. I even still enjoy a movie or dinner alone from time to time. I’m forever grateful for that uncomfortable time in my life for it’s made me who I am today. I draw closer to God just a little bit more every time I think of how he kept and renewed me during that tough time in my life. I’m stronger and wiser because of it. 

I hope this blessed your spirit. It encouraged me all over again as I wrote it. Love you ~Blesaings Flow